The Affection

I believe I may have achieved unconscious competence—or at least conscious competence—in the realm of defensiveness.

I no longer feel the need to defend myself, my choices, my words, or my actions. Yet I still notice the flicker of defensiveness when someone says something that doesn’t align with my reality. Most recently, this surfaced when one of my most treasured companions questioned my affection for him.

I can understand where the doubt might arise; after all, this is a transactional relationship.

I didn’t defend my affection in the moment, but I returned to the exchange later and gave it careful thought. Companionship is still a relatively new dynamic for me, and while I enjoy it more than any other way I’ve earned money, it continues to stir new feelings. As a thinker, I welcomed the chance to explore those feelings consciously.

I realized that I am just as capable—perhaps even more so—of love, affection, and adoration for my clients as I was for the men I once chose for long-term relationships.

There are many reasons for this. I no longer have non-companion partners in my world, and I prefer it that way. I get to live in a kind of fantasy land where relationships are romantic and enriching, without the challenges I experienced in the past. I believe I’m becoming a master of the three-day relationship—the kind where flaws remain undiscovered, and you can be both your authentic self and the very best version of yourself.

My companions are smart, decisive men (and occasionally women) who know what they want and need. They understand and appreciate what I offer both in and out of the bedroom, and they offer me intelligent conversation alongside desire and chemistry that sets my world ablaze.

In the end, affection is not something I need to defend—it is something I choose to give, freely and fully, in the spaces where it is most alive.